My ramblings

2002-08-18T01:10:00.000-07:00

Ryan didn't think enough about himself, so I say that he's the best and that he's perfect. (although not as scary like someone we know)

2002-08-18T01:09:00.000-07:00

Ryan wanted an entry about him. So here's an entry about him. Hi ryan.

2002-08-03T20:49:00.000-07:00

Wow, GO SEE ORIGINAL SIN. We'll actually rent it. It's out on tape. It's great.
"I...i just killed a man" repeats Louise (Antonio Banderas playing a cuban man)
"And I just bought a hat" says Julia (Angelina Jolie)
"Wha? but i just killed a man"
"And i bought a hat, I dont' dwell on it, i bought a hat and I move on."

LOL... that's so fucked up eh? In the movie its even better.

2002-08-01T00:11:00.001-07:00

How to Raise your I.Q. by Eating Gifted Children
Lewis B. Frumkes, Book Title (1983)

2002-08-01T00:11:00.000-07:00

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?
Steven Wright

2002-07-20T14:25:00.000-07:00

I don't suppose its natural to dread spending the evening with the person you are dating. This doesn't bode well for the relationship if I can' t even look forward to a simple thing. I'm actually quite scared that the dinner and work today will be the only things I do. Its not really..umm something I'm looking forward to. Damnit! I need to go do something.

2002-07-19T20:26:00.000-07:00

Think about this:
a. The number of physicians in the US is 700,000.
b. Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year is 120,000.
c. Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171. (US Dept.of Health &Human Services)

Then think about this:
a. The number of gun owners in the US is 80,000,000.
b. The number of accidental gun deaths per year (all age groups) is 1,500.
c. The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is .0000188.

Statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.

FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN, BUT ALMOST EVERYONE HAS AT LEAST ONE DOCTOR.

Please alert your friends to this alarming threat.
We must ban doctors before this gets out of hand.

As a public health measure I have withheld the statistics on lawyers for fear that the shock could cause people to seek medical attention.

2002-07-17T14:11:00.000-07:00

What Was Your PastLife?

2002-07-07T01:18:00.000-07:00

TRAICOVN: I think it would be groocy
TRAICOVN: groovy
Xenoclonic: Ok, what seventies villan has taken ahold of you from their own video-dimensional world?
TRAICOVN: congratulations...
TRAICOVN: that one made it....
Xenoclonic: oh no
Xenoclonic: ::holds head in cup of hands::

2002-07-05T22:30:00.000-07:00

So I'm extremely bored. I have no idea what I can do. I should just probably sit here and not do a damn thing. Well, that'll happen no matter. I wish I was out camping somewhere. At least I"d be doing something. I should probably do my homework. That's something to do.

2002-07-03T18:05:00.000-07:00

Loki and I

So Loki and I where sitting there. Loki on the couch and I at the computer. So I started to make wierd noises. Loki, being the dog he is, cocks his head to one side in curiosity. So in mimic, i do the same. I then make another noise while tilting my head to the other side. Loki follows this by mirroring my actions. We did this for a few moments, it was really cool.

2002-07-02T21:00:00.000-07:00

Any questions?

This is the reason I want to go to Alaska. I"m seriously considering going there this coming winter. I think i deserve it. BUt I think i should pay off credit cards and my loan first. Cause i'd be spending a thousand dollars on thsi vacation..maybe i should just save up and go next year.

2002-07-01T20:33:00.000-07:00

::Gives wierd face only dogs usually make:: (there is honour in being a dog - Aristotle)

So I push the internet radion button for "House of Blues" and don henly comes over the speaker. What the hell?

2002-07-01T20:14:00.000-07:00

So I finally get the belief -o- matic to work for me. My results are as follows:

1. Neo-Pagan (100%)
2. Unitarian Universalism (97%)
3. Mahayana Buddhism (91%)
4. New Age (89%)
5. Liberal Quakers (88%)
6. Reform Judaism (80%)
7. Theravada Buddhism (76%)
8. Hinduism (71%)
9. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (71%)
10. Jainism (70%)
11. New Thought (68%)
12. Sikhism (67%)
13. Bahá'í Faith (64%)
14. Scientology (64%)
15. Taoism (60%)
16. Orthodox Judaism (59%)
17. Orthodox Quaker (55%)
18. Islam (52%)
19. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (51%)
20. Secular Humanism (50%)
21. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (34%)
22. Seventh Day Adventist (31%)
23. Nontheist (29%)
24. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (28%)
25. Eastern Orthodox (22%)
26. Roman Catholic (22%)
27. Jehovah's Witness (19%)

They probably don't have the mystic jew on there, which is what i am.

2002-06-30T20:59:00.000-07:00

You are a Tzimmes Jew.
Like this Sabbath-evening fruit and sweet-potato side dish, your Jewish identity is highly traditional, even as it adapts with changing times. A basic recipe is supplemented with various individualistic flourishes. Judaism plays an integral role in your life, though your identity is not defined solely by it.

According to www.beliefnet.com's little "how good of a jew are you". Scored a 35 out of 66.

2002-06-30T20:48:00.000-07:00

www.beliefnet.com Click on beliefe o matic. It doesn't work for me. IT WON"T TELL ME MY TRUE SPIRITUAL PATH!!! ACK! On ho.. does this mean i'm going to hell?

2002-06-30T14:08:00.000-07:00

Well, a while ago I used to listen to this station online called NRJ. It was cool. It came from Paris. But somethign happened and they were no longer broadcasting over the internet. Well today I found it again...except this one is in normay. www.nrj.no Its a great station. Go visit. :)

2002-06-30T11:34:00.000-07:00

Blogger? Are you giving me the shaft?

2002-06-27T21:54:00.000-07:00

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX [12:31 AM]: hi need a mortgage?
Rtkidd82 [12:31 AM]: You've got to be kidding.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX[12:32 AM]: never
Rtkidd82 [12:32 AM]: How lucrative is it to ask random people online if they need a mortgage?
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX[12:32 AM]: pretty darn lucrative
Rtkidd82 [12:32 AM]: Really. That's interesting.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX[12:32 AM]: approx 80% of our client are gay
Rtkidd82 [12:33 AM]: And what, exactly, would I need a mortgage for?
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX[12:33 AM]: home ownership
Rtkidd82 [12:33 AM]: Really.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX[12:33 AM]: of course
Rtkidd82 [12:33 AM]: Ok. So being single and living in an apartment with a rent at 250 a month, how does that compare toa mortgage on a lets say $50,000 house or condo for thirty years.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX[12:34 AM]: you won't be throwing away your money
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX[12:35 AM]: property increases in value
Rtkidd82 [12:35 AM]: But monthly rates I mean. What kind would i get? At a comparable market based interest.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX[12:35 AM]: even if you buy for no other reason that to rent it out for a prifit
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX[12:35 AM]: 250 is low
Rtkidd82 [12:36 AM]: Yes it is.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX[12:36 AM]: just think how much the person you are paying is actually paying in mortgage?
Rtkidd82 [12:37 AM]: True, but I'd have to live there for a year first to be able to rent it out.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX[12:37 AM]: no
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX[12:37 AM]: you just won't be able to homestead
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX[12:38 AM]: you have to think of it as a safe investment
Rtkidd82 [12:38 AM]: So what bank do you represent?
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX[12:38 AM]: about 260
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX[12:38 AM]: we are floridamortgageloans.com
Rtkidd82 [12:38 AM]: Lending tree kinda deal?
Rtkidd82 [12:38 AM]: ah...
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX[12:38 AM]: sorta
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX[12:39 AM]: we are smaller and can offer better rates
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX[12:39 AM]: not so much overhead
Rtkidd82 [12:39 AM]: I guess.
Rtkidd82 [12:40 AM]: But I don't believe that in my current fiscal year i can purchase a home.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX[12:40 AM]: that is not true
Rtkidd82 [12:40 AM]: Oh yes. It is.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX[12:40 AM]: we have so many programs
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX[12:40 AM]: you would fit one
Rtkidd82 [12:40 AM]: Do you have a program in which you pay me?
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX[12:41 AM]: not yet
Rtkidd82 [12:41 AM]: Because as the average starving college aged student... I really don't have money.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX[12:41 AM]: hahaha
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX[12:41 AM]: are you in school now?
Rtkidd82 [12:41 AM]: Of course.
Rtkidd82 [12:41 AM]: I am college aged.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX[12:42 AM]: this is the 2000's
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX[12:42 AM]: what is your major?
Rtkidd82 [12:42 AM]: Of course. But then again, it is the 2000's. The average family moves every six years or so. We're a very nomadic civilization. Psychology.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX[12:43 AM]: my wife is taking that right now
Rtkidd82 [12:43 AM]: Fun.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX[12:43 AM]: she feels the wold is fucked up and we all need therapy
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX[12:44 AM]: she loves it
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX[12:44 AM]: treying to disect my feeble little mind
Rtkidd82 [12:44 AM]: Nice views. However, it is argued that most go into psychology because they have personal issues, this doesn't imply anything, after all it puts me down alont with everyone else.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX[12:45 AM]: i do look through rose colored glasses
Rtkidd82 [12:45 AM]: As do so many, so many.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX[12:45 AM]: stick with it
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX[12:46 AM]: you will make a difference and some nice jack
Rtkidd82 [12:46 AM]: Probably.

2002-06-27T20:55:00.000-07:00

Take the High Yield Killing Method Test Now!!

2002-06-27T20:39:00.000-07:00

YES! I'm only a negative 11% to killing someone...yipeee.....heheh...::muahahaha:::

2002-06-27T20:35:00.000-07:00

Nick thinks that blogger is Evil. EVIL!! Hehe... all it needs is just a little love..... ::hugs...kisses...molests....ooh.....aaahhh...>>AAAAHhh........hehehe.....giggle...oo.."lala"::

hehe...sinister.

2002-06-25T20:25:00.000-07:00

I think i need better friends. I also miss Alan.... :( life is pain....how satisfying.

2002-06-25T18:01:00.000-07:00

Argh! Blogging. For some reason the fascination with this tripe of a program isn't much of what it used to be. I find myself more and more just piddling around. I don't portray how i feel. I can't, don't, nor feel as though it helps any. Sure its a proven cathartic experience for most, but yet I am by far not most. My toe hurts though. Dunno why. Wish it would stop. Oh well...

2002-06-23T22:07:00.000-07:00

Today's Prophecy: Something is coming. Yes. I do believe something is. Dunno what.. its big...maybe not by actual size..but maybe by importance. I have no real idea. But this has nothing to do with Lilo and Stitch, i had this idea before i saw taht movie.

2002-06-23T22:05:00.000-07:00

So I saw Lilo and Stitch.

I'm just really curious about something now. Why is Disney mentioning area 51? And portraying it as non-chalant as if it was real and didn't really matter. As if it was just some routine and mundane event that may occur every day or so. And if that was not enough, they referred to Roswell and accused the Government (basically) that the Roswell stuff actually happened. I"m just slightly curious why Disney, a long time standard of childrens movies and a beacon of upright movie production and keeping its far fetched ideas, either so far fetched or either so real that they couldn't possibly or may possibly happen. It's just wierd. I mean, why is it that we have all of these alien movies nowadays? Ever really stopped to think about it? Where they are portrayed as normal people like us, and maybe a few bad seeds but then again, come on we had Ted Bundy. In Tallahassee no less. But then again, i can see where the insanity would come from. I wonder how the city got over that... "Come to Tallahassee, we're so boring we spawned Ted Bundy". Anyway.. I mean come on. We have Men In Black. Think about it. If the government is going to introduce aliens, what better way then by movies and entertainment? Huh? ya.....hehe. I think the american government has something to hide. But the again, they are always hiding something. Oh well. I think i should start a blog or just do blog entries that are labeled "Prophecies". I think i will.

2002-06-18T13:17:00.000-07:00

GOOD!! NOW BLOG FOR NICK!!!! (he's having problems)

2002-06-18T13:16:00.000-07:00

BLOG DAMNIT! BLOG!!

2002-06-16T10:36:00.000-07:00

Wow, I think my dreams are getting stranger. Actually I know they are getting stranger, but this one, I don't know. For some reason this last one had previews. As in, I saw a preview for it, and it starred people. It had me, Matt Damon, of which I dont' even think he can act well, Ben Affleck, of which he wasn't in the dream other than the preview, so I dunno. So the dream starts out in a riot scene in some city. It sure didn't look like Tallahassee. I don't really know. Guns flying off everywhere, bullets firing, and for some reason, it started to slowly resemble the scenes in the Terminator part 2. Although it was more modernized and shown more of in this day and age, maybe a few years in the future. Regardless, for some reason the captin in charge decided that the character played by Matt Damon deserved a promotion, during the midst of this street war. However, our brave hero (i dont know why though, didn't see that part) decided that he was going to leave to go home and he would discuss his promotion later. Being the captin that the captian is, said OK, fine..jsut come by my office. Later which our hero said "Probably won't even make it to his office." Referring to the captian being killed. Which a few moments later, he was. Next our brave hero and I were walking along a wooded street, in a nice neighborhood. Walking along the war broke out into this part of the city, however I do not think it was the same city. So being sly and cool, ducking into the drainage pipe that goes under streets a small story pops out. One day a truck was being driven by, and for some reason the driver decided to dump the truck. I do not know why, the truck was actually his. So he threw the keys and they landed into the same drainage pipe, our hero and I are about to embark in. However, even though the keys were found. We didn't use the truck. We staved into the end of the pipe in efforts not to be seen by this comically amusing truck full of arms. The truck didn't see us, but for some reason this street wasn't solid, it was as if there were slabs across the stream the street was going over, so not to fully cover the stream but just to have a few ways to get across. There were four slabs altogether. Then it was said that we could survive there for two days, well only on those nasty ass energy military bars or whatnot. So as we roll out of this concrete tomb, my eyes close as i roll and I rol straight into a mall. One resembling very much like Govenor's Square Mall here in town. Except it had a grocier store in one of its wings. The long one. Of which now a battle was taking place. So in this, there is a detail that was assigned to the mall to take care of the battle. However, it more or less seems that the battle is brought there by the protecting of the place. Think about it, what reason would the street war have to go to a mall unless there is the police there to protect it. Except these are more like CIA infantry kinda deals. So the mall is frantically evacuated...well actually everyone goes running and screaming. Except this mall is attached to an office building. So i go up into the office building where they ahve no idea what is going on. I tell them to look out their window and to see whats going on. I do this because at first they do not believe me when I say that something terrible is happening in the mall. So they belive me and start to panic. But they forget, they have a private entrance and exit. So they take the kids ( i dunno where they came from ) and leave. So I go back to the mall where this robot which looks to be made out of the same material you cover with banquet tables (you know, the plastic stuff, except this stuff is really thing that i"m thinking about). This robots apparent use is to wrap itself around somebody to use as armor. Well he wrapped around this black guy that looked like Ice cube. So eventually after shooting at this robot (not the person) he dropped the guy. So the robot looked like this fucked up skeleton and was all accordian like. So he grabbed hold of my partner that was fighting next to me, and so my partner was forced to latch onto me, except i tear off the robots leg. You know, because its made of plastic. So this thing detaches from my partner (which no i don't know when or where i got a partner), and just started eating chocolate. ? Is this thing really a woman? What the hell? It's going through robotic PMS! RUN! So anyway, this whole battle goes on, andd two oblivious women start shopping. I don't know. They just started shopping. So my partner says go ask the yellow robot (the one without a leg) if his big brother was coming. Because big brother is mean and is an actual normal looking robot. So right as i question the accordian, big bro comes walking in. Although he starts to shoot lasers and such, I think he was blind. He shot at noises not visuals, and always missed. Stupid ass robot. So this robot leaps up. Now out of nowhere this elevator appears. Its just on the side as if its always been there. You know to take people up in down in a mysterious elevator. SO the robot that jumped up jumped up on the other side of the elevator as I'm questioning this yellow accordian robot (for answers you know) and big brother thinks i killed it (which i almost did) and then starts charging after me. So i grab this thing and I jump off the balcony area down into the lower part where there is a grocery store. Two women are shopping,one starts to say that she doesn't need to leave thes tore because the robot won't hit her. And i wondered why, she told me that she's just shopping. He's not allowed to killinnocent bystanders. SO i thought.. .woohoo.. i can dress up as an old lady and he won't kill me. WRONG! hehehe, so the lady then tells me how to kill it, and i'mwondering how'd she know...so after running around a while, trying to get close to this thing I finally manage it. I'm only right downstairs from where he is. Witha clean shot...excpet I don't have a weapon. So i run... then i wake up. Damn.

2002-06-15T10:08:00.000-07:00

Well, last night i was the dolphin. Now this morning (or afternoon, whatever) i am....

2002-06-15T01:04:00.000-07:00

2002-05-20T21:36:00.000-07:00

So ya, the kid. I really think he's got it for me. Tonight... we were doing some uchi komi (repititions) and this other dude Joey wasn't quite getting the throws. Actually Joey doesn't quite get how to walk upright all the time...so go figure why he wants to do judo. So anyway, i'm standing there and so i tell yaacov to stand still while i demonstrate...so dumbass (yaacov) decides to block my entry, kinda screwing up the demonstration. So he then tries counters and such to get me to fall. Anyway...so i stop him and get back to the standing position to show joey the throw to do. So i do a few entrances on it and the steps and such and all the pulls so that he can do it right...or at least get closer to what he needs to do. So I am just standing there talking to Joey stil having my grip on yaacov because i'm explaining grips now. And so yaacov keeps trying to do throws...only throws the make his head end up in my stomach or something. And so its kinda disturbing...and so I stop him, blocking of course. So afterwards he tries this other thing which is kinda like where you hug the person almost so you can lift them..except when he tried this...he didn't lift...i then said "would you stop hugging me now for a moment"...and instead of some macho thing...he just let go and said something to the affect of sorry, no retraction of what he was doing. But he was being very playful...until we got down to business and did some real fighting. Which at one point was some of the fastest leg work i've done in a while. I'm talking seriously fast...shot three throws all countered then i countered back..it was real fighting.. It was great. But before that it was kinda wierd. I dunno... this should be interesting. I'm picking him up from school to take him home...cause i wouldn't let any friend of mine take Taltran around here.. It sucks and its full of crazy people..well at least the line he takes. So I tend to take him home twice a week. It works out in the end. however soon, he'll have a car so I won't have to do this...but i figure while i'm getting angela from school i might as well get him.

2002-05-19T01:01:00.000-07:00

It's been a while. Geez. I don't know where to begin on how long its been. Actually its only been a week. But what a week. I now have a boyfriend...which I am extremely happy about. He's really cute, great personality, good sense of humor and his whole ensamble seems to work for him. He's a music graduate...only problem i have with alan is that in a few weeks..he'll move to wisconsin to go to grad school.
Alex says that I should go with Alan. I told alex he was crazy..of which he seemed to at least think 'this...coming from you?' His actual response was much better.

Alan is great though. We spent most of friday, and all of saturday together. Next weekend we are spending it mostly with each other. I wonder if it'll be good to go camping or something..or at least go stare at the stars for a night at alligator point. But I have no idea what to write here...everytime i say that though ...something comes out. Ah... yes. Something is coming now.

Let me express the latest in the Yaacov saga. This is always an interesting thing for me to thing about. I really think that the boy is hitting on me. On thursday I went to take him home from school, because I didn't want him taking the bus. Because I did take the city bus for a while when i was in High school and had all those after school things to do. SO I told him i'd take him home on like tuesdays and thursdays. Well i get him on thursday, and of course I need to go to his side of town anyway, because it contains G'square mall. So I need to drop by my house to pick some things up...because I didn't have time to do that earlier. So I do this. He comes in to my place (all of which is dirty, but for some reason I don't care...the fascination he'll have that he's got a friend with his own place would thrill the boy for time to come). So I start looking for my letter...he sprawls out on my bed..which I don't mind.. everyone does. So he then sits up in the same position that I know has led to many other things. He sat up on his side, with his right leg bent at the knee with his right foot behind the knee of his flat laying left leg. Then propt up on one arm. We talked, and I tried to just ignore him...well his physicale i should say. Last thing I need is to be accused of pedaphilia. That would make my boss happy (since, ya know...I work with kids.) And of course, this out stretched child on my bed is wearing shorts...that don't contain much starch in them. So of course, my natural reaction to that situation is to jump the person and wrestle. But usually those comfortable enough to be in the position with me around...are my friends. And with them...it's not a problem. But when there is a kid involved that I think may like me...and has shown some interesting interests in me....I refrain. Which is a good thing...although the playful side that I usually love to express (and in the nature of being a childish playful side, this does not mean its in anyway...sexual...and its usually is the last thing on my mind... i love me some wrastling.) So anyway... i finally get this child home. Well a day before his parents asked me if I could take him home after practice on thursday...so I said sure... i'm a good person and it would help them out if I did that. So I said sure...of course before all of the previous happened. So after i stay a while at the concert that Alan is in during summerwinds...I scury off to pick of Yaacov. I show up..and of course Bobby(sensei) asks me "So what happened to you?" so I said "well in the interests of my relationship...i went to a concert" of course katie got what i was saying...dont' think bobby did though. So later in the car Yaacov asked "So you got a girlfriend or something like that..." and the "something like that" part sounded as if it denoted off to either a fuckbuddy or boyfriend... I should know.. i use the same tone when trying to figure some people out if they are gay or straight..or bi even. So I respond "something like that"...so he keeps asking me all these questions..and i'm trying not to answer them because I dont' want to play the particle game in which i don't use any notation as to the fact that I am really dating a guy, and not a girl. So i try skillfully in my nice pyschiatric ways to dispose of this question. So I told all of this to alan.. of course after he stopped laughing he says....well yaacov already hates me...whether he knows its me or not. Because alan thinks that Yaacov hates the person I'm dating because that wouldn't leave me open for him. One of these days i'll ask Yaacov if he's got a girlfriend. I've nay heard a word abouta girl other than "well leon has pretty girls" (leon being my old high school and his current high school)...however he followed up with "but i don't really care about that" then he goes on to cover it up by saying something to the affect of 'i want to get the grade' which is a good thing. But I think it is hints towards his budding sexuality. I wouldn't mind being helpful or anything of the sort. But i don't think i would be good in the lover roll. Maybe the mentor roll yes, lover no. I shall go now though.

2002-05-11T07:43:00.000-07:00

So I met a guy. Thankfully. It was about time. His name is Alan. Unfortunately he's leaving in five weeks or so. He's going of to grad school, and I dont know when i'd see him after that. I'm sure i'm going to be asked...' But why? If you know he's leaving...' its for the fact, I'd liketo be happy at least a little while, as opposed to sad most of the time. So yea... i get to have dinner with him today...and then go have fun around town.

2002-05-08T14:23:00.000-07:00

JUNGLE MUSIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2002-05-04T13:00:00.000-07:00

Hehe, i've gotta remember to thank Nick for telling me about User Friendly. That's a funny strip....(although I think i just thanked him, he reads this...doubt anyone else does though.) But also i've gotta hand it to callie for telling me about The Boondocks. Funny funny strips.

2002-05-02T03:43:00.000-07:00

Not to sound all conspiracy like. But I really think my school is out to get me. After all, I emailed them because my SAR report was late in the mail and I didn't get it till a week before deadline for registration payment, and they expected my mom to sign it before then? Have they even met parents? We all know if we don't live with our parents, getting them to sign something (especially if it divulges information about their taxes) it is nearly impossible. So I email the school saying this, and they write back saying, basiclaly ' sorry, its your own damn fault, you had from jan. 1st' which I started my application then, but if I didn't get the SAR till now, and I started filling in information since jan, don't you think that there is something wrong. So I go anyway to enroll for classes, cause I figure I"ll just pay for them myself, and so then it says there is now a hold on my student account....where the hell was that hold originally? HUh?> I wanna know? ANd how come I the damn server wouldn't run right. I know people were having trouble because of their damn servers not working, and they expect me to reach the deadline? Hell no. Thankfully I can raise enough hell there I'll get in. But I'll have to do it on monday...

2002-04-29T13:38:00.000-07:00

System of a down's Aerials, and the following jungle music in that track are really cool. Makes me wanna go out and buy a drum.

2002-04-28T19:38:00.000-07:00

Well sanding sucks. Alright, get this. I have to go to hillel to refinish the banister there. No one has done it in a while, it looks gross, and turned out to be even grosser. So I go and I get the stuff from home depot. Then I run to my house to get the sander (cause you know hillel ain't got one). So then after this I go to hillel, and I do what I can to do this banister. SO i start sanding, and sanding and four hours of sanding goes by (with one run to Walmart to get safety goggles and rags) and i'm still sanding. Sucks. So I decide....well I wanna know what this will kinda look like with the stain on it. So I stain a portion. (mind you, i'm no where near finished on sanding). It loosk good. I got Bombay Mahagony...really great stain. It truly is. SO while I"m sanding i'm realizing I'm going through more sand paper than I should for such little results. So i take a look at the sand paper...there is DIRT so caked to this banister that it melted onto the sand paper, rending it mostly useless. I mean entire sheets of sand paper turned black! It was that dirty. Slightly disgusting. So I've decided to do the entire banister no matter waht. So I'm only at the sanding portion. I decided to go ahead and start staining the sections of I've completed on finished. So they are drying right now. I'll have to go back tomorrow to deal with the rest. Ugh... i'm not looking forward to this at all. It was my dumb ass that decided to do this anyhow. Go figure.

2002-04-27T20:50:00.000-07:00

So I'm back. Woohoo! I'm not really all that tired. The car ride was rather exilerating. After all, it was Dave, Sean, Daniel and I in the car. ANd we all know, get four guys together...well three guys and a kid that's heard it all (Daniel is only ten) and yea.. it gets pretty nasty. it was really really funny, and apparently i'm a legend around my old high school. Sean finds out the wierdest shit I've done. LIke when i brought a gas mask to school. Or when i was playing with handcuffs. Or the other inane shit i've done there. It was wierd. But we kept on talking, learned a lot about each other...which maybe now I'll be more friendly with Sean and likewise. After all, he may have to ask for a ride or two from me....which I won't explain why...lol. Anyway... yea... i think I need a shower. But it was fun, I guess... it was more of the company,and all the people i've met previously and then got to see again, it was really great talking to those people. Lemme see if i remember their names... First, Frenchy..or Franck. He's a cool guy. From france i think ;-) Let see, Hiram and Jane...Christina's (at KDR) friends. Hiriam, AKA Tonka. He's like a tonka truck...keeps on truckin. Kerry, or something like that. I didn't really talk to him, just said hi. Carlos Miranda...didn't talk to him either...after all he intro'd himself as an asshole to me. (Literally, I introduced myself, and he replied ' i'm an asshole, you do'nt wanna know me'....so yea...go figure). Umm...lets see.. I don't remember the name of a chick I saw that I know. I don't really remember anymore. I didn't see Shane there....I kinda half expected him to be there. Although I'm glad he wasn't. I feel sorry for him, he gets dragged around to all these tournaments, cause of his dad, I really thikn the dad is living through his son...it's really sad. The dad has FOLDERS and FILES on the boy...JUST for JUDO,. no less. Yea its quite the sad event. But yea, I'm gonna shower.

2002-04-26T15:14:00.000-07:00

Well, apparently I"m going to Jax. I wasn't planning on it. I was planning on staying home this weekend and having a nice relaxing, LATE wake up day on saturday...but not no more. :-\ Sucks. And I've learned that I have to ride in the back of a car, that will have not only i, but two other people in it! How unfortunate. Five people in a car that only comfortably sits four. Not that I am complaining about getting there or anything, because this means I won't have to take my car, but still it'll be uncomfortable...little hard to do my analysis. Which the analysis i have to do is for a survey that we did at the school. It's about the mentoring program. And me missing working with analysis, I said I would do the analysis of it, read over it, make purty graphs and such...it'll be like when i used to work for the research firm. I spent three years of my life there. Working for them, They've paid me a lot of money. I wish i still worked there...but alas I don't...not right now anyway. :-\ OH well. Adios

2002-04-24T22:55:00.000-07:00

That's it! I'm not having sex no more unless I've got junk food hanging around the house. Cheerio's Don't COUNT as junk food. No matter how much sugar you put on them. YEA! Hehehe....

Well lets just say I've had a GOOOD night. Relaxing and long....hehehe....double pun! WOOHOO! Ya know, maybe I should clean up the journal entries abit since now I've got females reading my journal. Umm.....naw... NEVER! I shall not bend to any number of strawberry infected cum bubbles (thanks carol). Yea.. i'm going... i'm really tired... and hungry!!!!!!!!!!!!

2002-04-22T21:10:00.000-07:00

Well, it's late. Its 12am. I fixed my computer.
And Of course, Dell has to say that i have memory failure, hard disk failure, motherboard failure, PCI failure, and even video card failure...but not floppy failure. Turns out that the floppy drive was dirty. Of course I came to this conclusion after talking to the worst techie they've ever hired, and holding for an hour. Ya, when i hung up, i just threw the phone my bed. I think he may have gotten the hint. He wanted me to reformat my drive for a fuckin floppy drive. Stooges. Oh well. It works now, thats the important part. Damn its hot in here. Geez. My neck even hurts.

Oh well. I've missed some pretty important things on this blog. most of which are written down from jackies computer. Which i need to go download. I"ll post them. Its a nice four page long journal. Although I think i want to make it a private journal entry. Just on my computer, I may even write it down...but its so private. Anyways....

2002-04-22T08:00:00.000-07:00

I think I should post the words of which i typed in the insane hours of a sunday morning. I started to introduce my friend to the ramblings of my mind to see waht i can say. Although insane.. I jsut want to say kids are funny.

2002-04-18T09:01:00.000-07:00

So i started a new journal. My kabbalah journal. I think it may be important to document my slow shift through insanity. I have no idea how this will take me.

I'm at work right now. I brought in my computer because the computer we have couldn't run the simpsons, which i so promised my students we'd watch. So i had to lug the thing in here. So I set it up and now i'm on it. I"m so bored, I don't want to read at all... i'd just fall asleep, I'd rather sleep. But i can't. I have a student in a few minutes. :( That sucks. tika is in a session, maya is doing something i dunno what...homework..i guess.

I"m kinda excited. In the next two days, I"m gonna be hanging out with some really cool people. Should be fun. I have no idea yet. Cause cool is relative andnot constant. So this really will be interesting.

I couldn't sleep last night....i started to turn into an insomniac... and I won't get sleep tonight either. I know that.. i have to go somewhere at ten pm tonight. That sucks in a way. Gotta go.

2002-04-15T18:58:00.000-07:00

So I haven't really posted here much. Probably various good reasons could be laid down here. Mostly, i"ve not been home a lot in the past week. With going to tent city a lot and all. (www.wescott12.org) That site explains a little about it. Mostly its a bunch of students living on the main green at FSU.. called landis green. In protest that FSU won't join the WRC.. the workers right consortium.. which monitors sweatshops. So I don't necessarily agree with the way they are protesting, but I agree with the cause, and with the people. So I am suporting the people by living with my friend out there sometimes. (its convienent sometimes anyway) But thats always interesting staying out there. I would be out there tonight to sleep, but I can't sleep out there.. its too noisy. Trying to sleep is hard has anything, especially since I'm used to living in the woods, and then all of a sudden i"m near like one hundred people, with at least four people up at all times. Alwyas making noise. But yea. Well I thought i'd write something here. I did get my poster on the Kabbalah today though. It'd great. I like it. Although i need to frame it.. which will cost an arm and a leg. But my car's back right tire blew out... i can't get it repaired, and i don't have money to get a new tire. Damn this sucks. I'm on my bike most of the time. Oh well

2002-04-11T22:24:00.000-07:00

You are Stupendous Man!
You are simply amazing, whether you are battling your arch-nemesis Mom Lady, the nefarious Babysitter Girl, or the fiendish Annoying Girl. And you have absolutely nothing to do with mild-mannered Calvin.
Take the What Calvin are You? Quiz by contessina_2000@yahoo.com!

2002-03-24T20:44:00.000-08:00

I've tasted it! And I want more. Blood that is, and I don't mean the blood from a blonde haired, blue eyed virgin. I mean the blood of the innocent, although I don't think we are too innocent...then again...who is? Obviously the virgins are innocent, but are they virgins? That's not the point I want to express. The blood spilt in the sport. The anger, the instincts, the ferocious means in which victory is accomplished. Piling your mortal enemy (for all five minutes they are your mortal enemy), down into the ground so that he won't get back up...or if your lucky is too injured to go on...and thus helping out the rest of the team. Although those you help aren't in your team, and you don't want to injure your enemy. Just make it so he can't get up. Or if he does get up...insuring that your grip is such to choke him back down to the ground. But its not just that, its the thrills, the excitement, and lastly the blood. The sweety tart taste of it. The basic blood thursty instinct within us all emerges, only this time in a controlled manor...all for five minutes to victory. Damn I love judo. :-D

2002-03-05T05:45:00.000-08:00

Well, I don't know how what I talked about before is going, but I still have something to think about.

Well for right now, while I sit at work and do nothing but write in this thing and get paid to do it, I shall retell the story of my dream that i had last night and probably why I had it.
I was discussing with my friend Alex, those of whom we like and love in our lives and I spoke about the first person that I had a true crush on. Of course, I will not mention the name, because if it were to get back to them....it would be awkward, even though i have NO idea where they are. Anyway, i spoke about them and showed a picture even to alex of the person. Of course this peaked alex up a little bit to know that I went to school with such. Anyway, later on in the night I eventually dose off into sleep and have a set of wierd dreams, but only specific scenes I can remember. I remember hanging out with (we'll call them bob for right now) bob. Which of course I never did really, except once or twice, but this was like at Bob's house. Which of course I never did see anyway, so I placed it squarley in the Northwoood shopping center. So bob's house over looked into a laundry mat and the back of Publix. (Go figure.) After which at one point a friend, bob, and a friend of his and I were on this playground. It looked strikingly familiar because it had the close likeness of the playground at Pineview Elementary. Again, go figure. So Bob's friend starts doing the splits. (which that kid could never ever even attempt...) and so Bob does them too (yes..i need to stop eating right before bed). Well eventually bob does this right infront of his friend doing them also, but bob can not do a full split so its kind of not complete. So then he manages to move forward by rolling the legs at the torso sothat his feet don't move but his upper body does and then goes over and kisses his friend. Now, in school I always had a few questions about them...never seriously cause they were best friends and such....but sometimes it was like "umm....heh...yea" and i'd walk away. So later, back at the house int he northwood shopping center. (which polkadot cars) do i explain to bob that I know he kissed his best friend and that i know about him. SO he freaks, dawns on authentic baseball garb and then has a mit from the 1940s and looks dishuvled and storms out into the parking lot. With my friend and I still in his house. Of course he calls me a fag for trying to find an excuse to call him gay, but he knew i was right in my dream. It was wierd...not like twilight zone wierd as my dreams usually are, but its wierd in the fact that I've not seen this kid for years now and I still remember his voice, what he looks like, how he acts... eerything.. kidna sad almost...but it was realy funny at some points.

2002-03-01T19:42:00.000-08:00

I... had an apiphany tonight. I shall not explain. Nor shall I elude. I will say...I found it in the dark recesses of my mind. There it lay dorment...till now. Life shall never be the same. And as I sigh, this last breath away....I begin again...to nar look back upon it all.

I was sent an email the other night which included a quote. "This has got to be an illusion." I shall admit, it is on the right path. All too much it justifies my thought. A simple thought. If one single thought shall change the views of one, what shall a thought of many do to the whole? But in the whisps of my mind, in the dark unheeded shadows...all in a bind. Sits these thoughts, to give thought. I am still at a loss to understand this chaos. I shall know now, as I knew then... that now won't ever be then. Adieu.

2002-02-17T22:01:00.000-08:00

2002-02-17T08:43:00.000-08:00

Well I went to my tournament. I was so close to taking first place, but i lost the match that I had to win in order to take it. Sucks. Oh well . I will do better next time. I did win one though, I pinned for Ippon. I was happy. The guy couldn't lift me or move. I had used to energy drills that Dave had taught me. And to whomever still reads this, I shall explain what I mean. Have you ever heard of a man that could sit on his knees and not be able to be pushed over by three big men? What about a man that can have an outstrected arm with a sword at the end of it, whose arm can not be pushed at all. But with a small flick of the wrist, the three men are then thrown? Yep. You guess it, hopefully. I am talking about the Chi, and the transferance of it to different places. I was taught how to transfer mine in a way into the ground (i'm pretty bad at it, but at least I have started to do it) then hold it and hold my opponent down so he can't move. And the part that amazes me is, that I'm relaxed when i do this. I don't use much muscle except for the ones to keep me sitting up and to keep my hands gripped down. Of course, all I have to say is damn. The other guy, a wrestler for long time apparently, tried, according to sensei, to get out and couldn't. I am happy I at least won one of them. Unfortunately I couldn't find a way to do it when I was standing to see how i can get a guy down like that. Thankfully in the summer I will have more opportunity to do Judo than I do now. Maybe my unbelievable goal could be accomplished. I am hoping.

2002-02-14T10:59:00.000-08:00

Wow. I realize that I haven't been writing to this thing. Which I don't even know if I want to do this thing anymore. I mean its really cool and all for a lot of people but i jsut don't think that it is for me. THe only news that i really have for me is that i am really thinking about getting a motorcycle, althought i'm gonna try it out first before i even buy one so I can see if its the allure that I am attracted to or the actual bike and the experience of riding it. Other than that HIllel still has the same old shit happening, except now i just don't really care, I don't even want to be there and i get paid to be there. Today i went there to go work and no one else was there, not even the boss of the place. She rarely comes around anymore, so i decided that maybe i should go home, espeically since i hurt anywya. So i am home now, and I had just run up on my page. So that's why i'm finally wrriting... oh wel.

2002-02-03T00:28:00.000-08:00

So yea. I just spent the last like five or six hours reorganizing my apartment and my room. I moved out one of the beds I had in my room and moved into the dining room, while taking that couch and putting it in my room. Kewl huh? I moved my bed, my bookcase, and I finally got around to making the network connections look nicer and nailed down. And something that's really cool. It doesn't look like shit no more. It looks like I live here. I'll be going to Home Depot soon and getting the rest of the stuff I need to make the votive candle holder. I wonder how much it'll cost. I shall soon see. But I also took down the tapestry and that made it look kinda better. I like the tapestry and all, just were it was, wasn't good. i need to do something to the walls though. I don't like white. Cause apparently I'll be living here a while. Which is ok. It's nice and secluded. But yea, I also took down the glass thing that covers the light and then I ripped apart an old pillow case and put it up around that... it's drapped an all and gives a nice glow. Not white light as it was before. And I even am using both bulbs, and it looks really good. And now that my chair doesn't run into my bed I have room. It's really cool. I like it. And its even clean. I also got me a washer and dryer. I dunno if they work though, i gotta get some parts to make them work. And then I got to have trust in the electrical wiring to plug them in. Oh well. And i took down the stuff that makes my room look bad. I'm gonna do what I can to make it livable so I can actually have parties and shit here. It'll be so cool....er... better at least. I just hope jeremy doesn't shit when he walks in. He thought i was just puttin in the washer and dryer. NOPE!! I re did a good portion of the apartment...and now his alarm is going off....hmmm. well I'm going to go to bed. I actually ahve to functin for the sunday school. but i get to buy a kiddish cup. hillel needs a new one, and I told marcy i'm gonna buy one and she'll reimburse me. Thankfully i was kinda stern about it and she just said yea that'll work. So yea.. adios

2002-01-28T19:29:00.000-08:00

Well I went to Crystal Connection. I didn't see the person that I usually see there, cause I tend to browse not only the merchandise sometimes if they are there. Well anyway, I did spend about thirty minutes just browsing around this place. I found this cool looking candle thingy and I decided I'm gonna build on kinda like it. Except a floor to cieling deal. It's gonna hold about twenty five candles or so. Votive of course. I hope I can pull this off. I dunno how yet. But I'm gonna put pegs into a pole and then spiral the pegs down. On each peg I'm gonna put a votive candle holder probably of my design and varying...dunno yet. Should be cool. But I got another couch to put in my room. YAY! I got it for free. I'm gonna see if I can get a different couch, there is this one that I want, and I might be able to get it for free, but I don't know. It depends on if this guy I know is gonna buy it or not. If he doens't buy it my friend (who is selling the couch) may just toss it. So I said "well hey, i'll take it. I collect couches apparently." And thus, I've started. I've already got two couches, three if you count segments as couches. It's cool, with this third couch, I'm gonna put my tapestry and some others on it. It'll be cool, and I'm moving my book shelf out. And I'll build a book shelf onto something. I haven't figured that out yet. I don't really know if I want one. I'll probably build something in the corner where I have my computer. THat way I can get rid of this desk. That'd be great. :)

2002-01-27T18:32:00.000-08:00

Ugh, poor neglected blogger. I wish I had time to write more. But I think with my jobs as such, it's been determined that...Hillel sucks.

2002-01-18T21:41:00.000-08:00

What if G-d is an alien?

2002-01-12T00:11:00.001-08:00

If G-d is alone and is the one G-d, then why does he say " you must worship me as the one G-d"...as if there were others. That's interesting to me, and also what if we did worship others...if s/he has eternal love for us, then s/he wouldn't care but would just take comfort in knowing that s/he is the responisble party. But then again why doesn't he say that all the people of earth are his children, and not just jews. I really think that the Torah was edited....A LOT. That or we could think about this as we ahve thought in past with other cultures...what if judiasm was provoked by an alien presence? Why not? Could that not be possible? It could be, and then again could not be, it is a speculation. Such interesting thoughts. So wonderful. I can not wait until i take a philosophy class.

I do however have my new fascination with being that child psychiatrist, but i think i should extend the age through like 25. I think i'll see clients from age 5 to 25, nice twenty year gap there. But then again, i'd have to learn a few more things, but hey, I could be general and specialize in children. I love children, they're so cool. Well i'm tired. Long misunderstood week in which now i've made one of my bosses cry,...wonder how many more will...all bosses are women...this not good.

2002-01-12T00:11:00.000-08:00

2002-01-06T00:02:00.000-08:00

so i wathced vanilla sky while i was kinda high on that drug ambien (sleeping pill that I'm prescribed to take). I didn't understand it. I kinda got it, but then again i felt like the guy in the movie..struggling to remember anything.

2002-01-05T23:24:00.000-08:00

So I drove to Tifton Ga today. Yep my place of birth. I returned to put a candle on my gma's grave and a flag on my gpa's grave. I placed seashells around the stone though, gma loved seashells. I then decided I should go see my other grandparents. SO i did, had dinner with them. "bout took off the car door. G JIm had thought i was in the car so he started to back up, but i had just opened the door and so the carport almost took the door off. Luckily i slammed the door shut before he did any damage. Saved the cars side...thank g-d. I know somehow i wold've been blammed. But then again, i wasn't even in the car when it happened. Go figure, but we went to dinner at the Pit Stop. Yep, the pit stop. Guess its more upscale for tifton. Although cheap as hell. So after that I decided to go and see the houses I knew when i was growing up. I found two but i didn't find the one i actually lived in. I got lost trying to find it. But i got lost again and found one of the houses. I knew just where the third one was though.

what the hell does "pics of PETA and Mcdonalds happy meals" have to do with ech other? Yea, go type that in at google. You get nicks page, and I don't really wanna know why. Better than one time where his page turned up with the search "pics of clergy having sex with alter boys"...or something like that. Yea....sick. But this turned up nicks page...gross. Good night people, i have work in the wee morning.

2002-01-04T01:34:00.000-08:00

Well it's night again. I realized that, i almost truly don't have a best friend. Sara decided that she doesn't want to talk to me anymore by her actions. She hasn't called me or anything. Caleb, is well a good friend now...still brothers and such, but that doesn't mean we're best friends. Chris, i was never really best friends with. And lastly and closely Nick...he's a really good and old friend. :) But i was talking to rusty and we both realized that neither of us really has a best friend anymore. But i mean it kinda hurts that the person I called my best friend really has nothing to do with me anymore. Started with the surgery...I guess she got scared by it or something...she never came by the hospital towards the end of my stay. Guess the quality of my friends has diminished. oh well, i'm kinda movin into a different group of friends anyway. Maybe i really should go on with my plan to move... maybe get a higher caliper of friends. After all, the people that used to live in tally that were high caliper...have moved away.

I did manage to talk to someone from my town of birth, tifton. talked a few about how its changed and just how boring that place really is. But hey, i'm goin there on saturday. It'll be cool, I'll finally get to put flowers down on my gma's grave. I've wanted to for a long time...and i made excuses not to...i tried to type one out saying how my car wasn't working and such...but still I'mgoing there on saturday. Guess i can't pick callie up from the airport. well i'll see her on sunday anyway. I really want to do this. I"m gonna go buy the flowers tomorrow. Then i'll take some money to get there and back. Maybe i'll stop in on my grandparents that still live there. Don't know if i want to though...probably just to say hi, catch up for an hour then leave. That whole jewish thing still hasn't gotten passed my grandfather.. he still thinks it sinful that I'm a jew. But he can deal with it, because he must recognize that his religion wouldn't be without mine. But i digress off now... after all ... i'm on ambien..of course.

2002-01-02T23:31:00.000-08:00

Well, i managed to do it. I am up at 2.25 am. I fell asleep around 10pm. That truly sucks. Then of course caleb has to come knock on my window then my door and such just so I can tell him to look under the damn mat where he told me to leave the key so he can have one. Thats getting mighty annoying sometimes. I don't wanna answer my door, or answer my phone when I'm asleep. Oh well...I should've just waited. I got up early today. I went to see lord of the rings with my mom. In the same theater i saw it in the first time. the movie didn't move anywhere. But there was next to no one in that theater. I mean it was me and my mom, some woman down the row. A family of three little further down, and then a family of five. That was it. No one else. Kinda took away from seeing a movie out in public. My mom enjoyed it, although she called it an endurance challenge, because of the camera movements and then taht you have to sit down for jsut about three hours. OF course though, we watch all the credits. They actually in the credits had a section for payroll. And even the little hobbit children were called "cute little hobbit children". We were lookin for the person that gets coffee. Although i think he was in there...kinda funny. I did find out that someone actually plays Gollum. And here i thought he was just computer generated, cause it certainly looked like it. Seriously. Oh well.... i guess i'll watch some more simpsons, talk to friends then go back to sleep.

2002-01-01T23:06:00.000-08:00

Well here I am again, late at night...took my ambien and I'm writing to my journal. Although I really dont' have much to write to my journal. Although it was interesting, I was talking to callie about the party and some of the things that I got happy about in it. Her words to me were to be weary of the hugging ex, I just think that is a little immature to say that. So what if the ex is hugging, I rather enjoy it. Oh well, it may just be my views on things in how that life is short, do what you want, but don't do something so much that it will hinder you from enjoying the other delights in Earth's garden. Oh well... I guess I'll just go and enjoy my ambien now. Toodles...

2002-01-01T12:39:00.000-08:00

Ok, yea. That last post...that was me slowly gettin doped up on ambien. I don't even remember why I have that last part of the post in there. But to clear something up, the kiss wasn't right at midnight...it was when we were all basically goin around the room hungin and giving cheers. but i was surprised when I hit one person...it was good night.

2002-01-01T03:42:00.000-08:00

Wow...my first actual new years kiss. Well in a way. I mean, yea sure i've had those kisses on the cheek before, and the hugs from friends and even those friendly friends who kiss me on the cheek and such, but never a kiss on the lips. And tonight I did. I'm really happy, I went to a new years party. I was planning on just sitting at home and ringin' in the new year by sitting on my ass but I needed milk to do this, so I went to publix. Closed. Then I went to albertsons, where I ran into Elmo. And he was getting shit for a party and so he was like hey come on over. So I said sure, but if I did it would be later...and so he said thats cool. Well around eleven, i trapse on over there and get introduced to a bunch of people and had a party. Dancing, drinks, fun...watchin others really drunk and stoned. It was cool, and even saw elmo's cousin josh. Which after I saw him i remembered why rusty and I were pissed at each other for a long time. Long story short, i was highly inebreated, exhausted and had just got done talkin with my about rusty (cause at the time it was relevant) and she said all this about how she never thought he was all that and how could he be a model...and basically I think she was making me feel better. WELL, i wrote this down in my journal right afterwards, and rusty found it. (it was another online journal) and so he emailed me and basically was really hurt and i can't believe i did that. I am very sorry for that ever happening. I never appreciated that boy like he should have been and should be. I appreciate him now...but we're just friends. But how josh plays in. In this i was so damned convinced that rusty wasn't worth anything and that his cousin was hot stuff. Which actually... I think Rusty is hot stuff. He's the friend ive always wanted and never had and hopefully i can actually tell him that. And for those of you who are reading this...I dated rusty for four or five months and that go at it..just didn't go. I do feel for all of this, and I am not whatever he's called me. You get through life and relationships with your friends. Your friends are there to help you. They are there to guide you when you can not see. they are there to be there if only to lend an ear. They are there to let you know that there is more out there and that you shouldn't be alone. A friend should come out of that and save you from being alone. Alone is bad. We've all agreed. Thank you very much rusty...now i wish he could help me...

2001-12-30T20:55:00.000-08:00

well...i dunno anymore. Into the dragon's belly... I'm starting to wonder about a lot in this world. It is starting not to make sense. It's as if there is a world incased in a glass bubble and we are to think of this world as all we will ever know. Then in our minds we strive to make a connection to an utopian existance in a dream world. Except that even in utopia it isn't perfect. I solemnly realized that when my heart stopped...my brain knew part of the body wasn't there anymore...and there was nothing....just a lapse of time. Makes me wonder what there really is left for us after our lives. I am glad that my dreams are more interesting now...although sometimes I wish I wouldn't have some of them...I had one last night...based on my friend rusty's life right now...well loosly. I put that boy down for so much and sometimes loosly based on a misperception...but he's a wonderful man and my remorse is entangling and I feel as though I owe him such a great apology. I just hope the actions bestowed on each other in recent days will not be a hinderance for our future friendship.

I've had a long day...

2001-12-29T20:25:00.000-08:00

Well, i've resurrected my car from the dead. It is fully operational now, and within the next week or so I'm really gonna know that car in and out. Today I disasembled the shift assembly because something was the matter with it. So after I looked it the part I wanted to install becase i thought it had long broken off (before i even got the car) was actually never fully detached. It was still in the bezel assembly and causin' the slight shifting problem. Well, one of them at least. The other problem is in the aperatus that is attached to the shift cable. Although I'm really stooked that i"m seeing the insides of my car by my own hands. It is a pleasurable experience to at one's hand have the knowledge to dismantle and rebuild, even better than before. I gave the shift assembly and the parking brake console and assembly a full cleaning. I took a cleaner to it...that in the end took off all the spify paint that was also eleven years old. But that's no matter, it took off the years of grim that i found underneath all the consoles. I'm really happy about this. My car is not so foriegn to me anymore, and tomorrow...I take off the door panels to repair the lights that have never been on. But i know they turn on. :)

2001-12-28T11:36:00.000-08:00

Well...to stave off any notions, luckily I never went to the hospital. And when I do go, its only for the normal xray that I'm supposed to have so that I can see just how intact my sternum is.

But I did find out last night that if you drink herbel teas when you take ambien, it increases its affect and speed two fold. I was sitting here typing along and then all of a sudden I found myself not making sense and off in some fantastic hallucination and somehow I managed to keep my senses straight because i worked out how it is that I see hallucinations while on the medication. Unfortunately netscape crashed and I lost that entire blog, it would've been interesting to read. I've never written a blog while i was on ambien. That would be some delightful reading. Well at least i do know how to get to sleep finally if I ever have problems,i shall grab a cup of tea from the soothing collections box, and i should be set. If that does not work add an ambien and lie down and get ready for a ride.

Oh well. I did enjoy some kogel last night too. Nice jewish dish that I made. I usually put raisins or pineapple or both in it, but I didn't have either so its kind of boring this time around, but it still is good. I just wish I had more noodles to make a larger batch, but since I didn't have nie raisons or pineapple...that's probably best.

Well I guess that'll be it from me. I have such a boring life that nothing ever happens. Kind of wish something would.

2001-12-24T21:11:00.000-08:00

I love hospitals...such great fun...hours and hours and hours of enjoyment. :-|

2001-12-20T23:22:00.000-08:00

Ow...i just cut a stitch out of my chest. Like not even at the surface...i had to cut inside under the skin. Surprisingly it didn't hurt, just feels wierd. :-\

2001-12-20T17:11:00.000-08:00

Heh, well I just realized that i'm an eMac.

Yep...my initials spell that out. Thanks to my hebrew name. (Thankfully i'm changing it....i think)

2001-12-19T01:21:00.000-08:00

AND WITH THAT... I'm a geek.

I saw LOTR....at 12.01am...showing. Premier. It was cool. Although I hate three year long movies...something about the damn suspense of having to wait three years realy gets on my nerves. A friend just mentioned though that it woulda been a good date movie..or at least he wish he had a date. I guess his friends didn't entertain me. I however was mildly entertained by this woman who sat next to me...and decided I'm friendly enough to talk to. What was more amusing, was that she was very fond of her socks. She was a jerker though...anything sudden happen (and in this movie...lord help you if you can't handle sudden)...she'd jerk...this is all well and dandy...but for a small girl...SHE COULD MOVE A ROW OF SEATS. I dunno..she got that leg and ass motion in it. Real thruster there...bet she's a fox in bed...or just a really really annoying bedmate. I dunno....i'll let someone else be the judge, she was too old for me. I really don't wanna date over 21 yet. Even though she was a jerker (and her perfume set off my sinus') would have been mighty interesting to see waht woulda happened if you put the emo kid that was two seats down, next to her. NOw that woulda been comedy. Oh well....caleb was just glad the emo kid didn't talk...he hates emo....I think it's funny...poor confused emo kids...well in this town at least. I really wish they'd make up their mind. Abouta lot of things too...(i'm sorry if this upsets anyone....i have nothing against emo, just the few that I know...really have this problem)....for one....what the hell sexuality is str8 but has sex with guys but then denies it..even though they had a three way with their gf...who is also bi and very liberal (i swear the two go together like white on rice i this town). Such wierd wierd kids. The inner workings of their minds are that of such interesting versions. This one tonight....dressed rather gayly to be kissin a girl...i mean like tight tight eight year old stripped shirt from salvation army (nothin' wrong with goodwill or salvation army..they rock...come on...four piece suit only sixteen bucks...hell ya). Oh well, I am not one to judge either way. I have no place to say anything about them. After all, i dress "alternative" one day...prep the next...I really confuse my friends. I went "beatnick" one day....that threw them all for a loop. Of course...i made even str8 guys look twice (no really..i swear...although i did turn my hair white...so that coulda been it). It's fun to turn heads...the more they look....the more i just don't care. :) But hey...wearin slippers to food lion isn't a bad idea..it's really comfy...especially if you're buyin munchie food. What's even better...convince the associates that you're stoned off your ass. Their reactions get funnier all the time.

Oh well...in other news...after going to double D today...we saw this girl that was getting her nose pierced...and well for that you lay down. Well she was laying down and dave was workin on her....but rose noticed a peculiar sight....her boobs didn't lay down with her. Damn perky boobs. They dared me to ask her if they were real, and if so if i could have a touch. I said I would..but i'm nicer than that...but its not like I'd ever see them again in my life. I spoke too soon on that one. I saw them at the movie theater. She walked right passed me. Along with the same group of friends. I was like damn....glad I didn't ask her if I could tune in tokyo. Woulda been interesting if i had. :-D oh well...I think i'll go get some sleep now...for some reason..i woke up at 9am today...I thought i'd accomplish something. I did alright...procrastinating too early in the morning. I shoulda slept....would've been more useful. Oh well.

::Poof::

2001-12-18T12:07:00.000-08:00

Ehmm....well this sucks. Looks like that ezboard is goin away. Easy come easy go. I got four emails in a row from them saying first my account was valid. Then the next about information on it, the next about my community. Then the last one and the kicker, it's time to renew your subscription. Do they not pay attention to the fact that i just signed up for it?

2001-12-18T07:01:00.000-08:00

Well, i finally have comments back. In a fashion. Until i can get the javascripted comments back I am using an ezboard. Or basically a post board. So just post a comment. I'll figure something else out in the mean time. Thank you kindly.

2001-12-18T06:38:00.000-08:00

Well that's it! I've decided I'm moving. To either Virginia Beach ("Back home" I grew up there..wasn't born there...but I almost was), Tampa, Sacremento, or somewhere in PA. This town of Tallahassee is too fuckin' boring. I can't take it any longer. I really need to get out of here. It's all destruction and demise, corruption of enterprise... :-P So i'm moving. Anybody got any suggestions? I need a place with a four year university. Please tell me...feel free to email me too....

2001-12-17T10:23:00.000-08:00

Chanukah - Day 8

Umm....i've lost the point of this now....:-\

2001-12-15T21:45:00.000-08:00

Chanukah - Day 7

I somehow forgot about day six. I wonder where it went to. Then again, I wonder a lot of things right now.
I'm wondering what horrible and sadistic remedies shall await me upon the return into what is or is not the reality i dwell in. I have no further thought on this...I wish i did, it may provide insight into it. All i can say for certain with all that is infront of me is...that it is coming and is unavoidable.

2001-12-15T10:52:00.000-08:00

Oh you've got to be kidding. There is absolutely no one online out of the hundred some odd names i have on my list. This sucks. I'm all alone, so very utterly alone....::sniff sniff::

2001-12-13T22:36:00.000-08:00

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Moderate
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	High
Antisocial:	Moderate
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	Moderate
Narcissistic:	Low
Avoidant:	Low
Dependent:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Low
-- Click Here To Take The Test --

Ummmmm.....uh oh.

2001-12-13T20:44:00.000-08:00

Chanukah - Day Five

Well damnit, there goes that comment script. Damn, I've gotta find something else. Anybody know of anything?

2001-12-13T10:40:00.000-08:00

I'm either A. Losing my mind. or B. Lost it. Can't figure out which.....what day is it for chanukah really? oh boy...

2001-12-13T01:28:00.000-08:00

Chanukah - Day Four

Hmm...don't remember if I put up a day three. Probably because I slept all through that day. Seroiusly. I did like from 7am to 1am sleep. So I've basically turned into a nocturnal creature. But yea... I may post more later.

2001-12-12T03:15:00.000-08:00

Strawberry: 50/100 Pear: 0/100 Banana: 30/100 Tomato: 40/100 Lemon: 0/100

Take the What Fruit Are You? test by webkin and aaronr!

2001-12-10T19:04:00.000-08:00

Chanukah - Day 2

Well, it's day two...and i did the menorah thing. And well the middle candle burned in like ten minutes, the other two are still a flame...which is good...I really don't like it when they burn out that quickly. I stuck the rest of the candles in the freezer so hopefully they won't burn that quickly...i'm thinking that may be a good thing to try...I dunno we do it at hillel a lot. wait wiat...I think the second candle is going out....it's slowly dying off... And so is the third candle....i guess together they were lit, and together they will burn out...although its making my room really dark...i only have two other candles lit...Oh well...more tales to come.

2001-12-10T14:26:00.000-08:00

Chanukah -Day 1

heh, thought i'd make a deal out of it. :) Just a normal day though. In a few hours it will be Chanukah - Day 2. WOOHOO!!! I'm such a jew...hehe.

2001-12-10T10:09:00.000-08:00

L.I.E.

It looks like it's a good movie. The only problem, is that it isn't playing nationwide. Damnit. Its gonna bother me till I see this movie what it's about, I"m trying to figure it out...it's enigmatic about it. It's also NC-17...so that sparks my curiosity a little more...check it out though. And support Lot 47 Film's little campaign against censorship. I share their views on how censors abuse power. A wise man once said "A censor is a man who knows more than he thinks you ought to." -Granville Hicks (1901 - 1982) :-) Happy trails.

2001-12-10T02:01:00.000-08:00

I think I'll become a monk. A jewish monk. How ironic and oxymoronic...and original. But yes...I'm tired of the dating game. I'll be a monk...

2001-12-10T01:17:00.000-08:00

So...about this dating thing. I'm not really buying. I was sitting there tonight out at lake ella, talking to a friend. And I thought before i got to lake ella "Finally, someone I can possibly have a relationship with. " EEEEEEENNN!!!...wrong no points for me. I just remember saying in my head, I wish my cell phone would ring and call me away or this would be short and the such....so....four hours of this...and well yea...i'm ready for some ambien now.

2001-12-09T18:35:00.000-08:00

Well apparently Reblogger isn't going to work anymore. That's how i had the comments set up. Now since it doesn't work...please sign my guestbook with comments.

2001-12-09T11:13:00.000-08:00

If I were a work of art, I would be Leonardo da Vinci's Mona Lisa.

I am extremely popular and widely known. Although unassuming and unpretentious, my enigmatic smile has charmed millions. I am a mystery, able to be appreciated from afar, but ultimately unknowable and thus intriguing.

Which work of art would you be? The Art Test

I took that art test nick had up....I don't know if I've been insulted or not here....

2001-12-07T16:10:00.000-08:00

WOOHOO! I'm finally sane....::beepbeep...beepbeep:: Damnit...time to take more meds... :(

2001-12-07T02:21:00.000-08:00

Lyrics for Mad About You by Hooverphonic

Feel the vibe, feel the terror, feel the pain
It's driving me insane
I can't fake
For god sakes why am I
Driving in the wrong lane
Trouble is my middle name
But in the end I'm not too bad
Can someone tell me if it's wrong to be so mad about you
Mad about you
Mad
Are you the fishy wine that will give me
A headache in the morning
Or just a dark blue land mine
That'll explode without a decent warning
Give me all your true hate
And I'll translate it in our bed
Into never seen passion, never seen passion
That it why I am so mad about you
Mad about you
Mad about you
Mad
Trouble is your middle name
But in the end you're not too bad
Can someone tell me if it's wrong to be
So mad about you
Mad about you
Mad
Give me all your true hate
And I'll translate it in your bed
Into never seen passion
That is why I am so mad about you
Mad about you

2001-12-07T02:15:00.000-08:00

owie...my head hurts. And this sucks, I'm supposed to find a male to bring to a dinner theater party...wish I had more time to know...then i could possibly get one...this last minute shit...gonna kill me... ::passes out::

2001-12-06T06:42:00.000-08:00

Woo woo.........hmm.....:-P wooooo woooooo woowoowoowWOOOooo...heheh....medicine kicked in :-P

2001-12-06T06:41:00.000-08:00

I've been in a poem kinda mood, so i'm sorry ya'll (yes, I'm southern) but here's another...I think it's rather awkward. Please sign my guestbook with comments on this.

In your eyes I stare,
In your eyes, I am lost.
I look into the blue abyss and peer into your everlasting soul,
Looking for the solace that is held within…
With your icy blue warm stare, you held me in,
Drawing me towards and leaving far away…

The warm embrace that you hold
Is ever present and bends to your will,
By your touch, I am nothing more
To be touched by you,
Is a joy in this world I am not worthy of
I shall be forever held in your arms,
And forever shall I remain.

The kindness that reigns within
The tenderness without
Press ever more to my heart
From stars above, to the stars below
Nothing compares to that warmth,
Lest the warmth of your emotion’s rapture.

2001-12-06T04:56:00.000-08:00

Teacher: What's four plus four?
Student: Jello.

2001-12-06T03:27:00.000-08:00

Notes from a phone conversation:
"I've got a church named the church of the sacred llama that goes moo, and there's only one member."
"You are crazy until you create something. Then you are an artist." (No offense to anyone.)
"Would you mind going to www.monkeysex.com, I wanna know what's there".

Yea, think of anyone?

2001-12-06T02:34:00.000-08:00

No, i didn't make this up. Yes, he's really insane. No, i didn't censor it.

TRAICOVN: i am going to die now
TRAICOVN: goodbye
Xenoclonic: Excuse me?
TRAICOVN: i am going to die now
TRAICOVN: goodbye
Xenoclonic: No you're not.
TRAICOVN: yes I am
TRAICOVN: I'm quite dead
Xenoclonic: Why do you think you are going to die?
TRAICOVN: already quite dead
TRAICOVN: you know that
TRAICOVN: I am going to die now
Xenoclonic: As in the pseudo since?
TRAICOVN: goodbye
Xenoclonic: howabout good night.
TRAICOVN: hehehehe
TRAICOVN: no
TRAICOVN: i am dead
TRAICOVN: dead dead dead
Xenoclonic: how?

Auto response from TRAICOVN: Hello... my chia pet has killed me, so I am no longer a living breathing human being... I apologize for the inconvenience...

Xenoclonic: hmm..
TRAICOVN: heheheheh
TRAICOVN: i am dead
TRAICOVN: dead dead dead
Xenoclonic: Nope
TRAICOVN: this is my immoral spirit talking
TRAICOVN: i am dead damnit
Xenoclonic: No you're not!
Xenoclonic: I refuse to belive this non-sense.
TRAICOVN: this is my immoral spirit damnit!
TRAICOVN: ask moses
TRAICOVN: he'll tell you
Xenoclonic: yeesh, why don't you ask them about living?
TRAICOVN: my god damned immoral spirit can kick your god damned immoral spirits ass
Xenoclonic: Umm...i don't have an immoral spirit. Maybe immortal.
TRAICOVN: hehehee
TRAICOVN: hehehee
TRAICOVN: hehehee
TRAICOVN: hehehee
TRAICOVN: heheheee
TRAICOVN: hehehee
TRAICOVN: hehehee
TRAICOVN: moo
TRAICOVN: moo
TRAICOVN: moo
TRAICOVN: i
TRAICOVN: am not
TRAICOVN: over my fucking
TRAICOVN: rate limit......
Xenoclonic: Yeds
TRAICOVN: nyah nyah nyah
TRAICOVN: i have
TRAICOVN: no rate limit
TRAICOVN: mwhah ahah ahahahaha
Xenoclonic: You're on aol?
TRAICOVN: no
Xenoclonic: oh..
Xenoclonic: netscape?
TRAICOVN: I HAVE NO RATE LIMIT
TRAICOVN: I HAVE NO RATE LIMIT
Xenoclonic: yea you do
TRAICOVN: I AM LIMITLESS
TRAICOVN: MY DISEMBODIED IMMORAL SOUL FORBIDS RATE LIMITING
Xenoclonic: just whenever I IM back...you get it back because you are letting me talk.
TRAICOVN: HEHEHE
Xenoclonic: You're retarded.
TRAICOVN: NO I AM NOT
TRAICOVN: I AM PSYCHO!
Xenoclonic: Do you have a dollar?
TRAICOVN: I CAN SEE THE FUTURE
TRAICOVN: I HAVE 2 DOLLA
Xenoclonic: Then go out..
Xenoclonic: AND BUY A FUCKING CLUE!!!!!!
TRAICOVN: 2DOLLA
TRAICOVN: 2 DOLLA
TRAICOVN: 2 DOLLA
TRAICOVN: i want water
TRAICOVN: bring me water
TRAICOVN: bring me water damnit
TRAICOVN: water water water
TRAICOVN: i thirsty
TRAICOVN: tap water nasty
TRAICOVN: want deerpark water
TRAICOVN: i die now

2001-12-06T00:57:00.000-08:00

Apparently my comment thingie isn't working. So just sign my guestbook with your comments. I'd like to know the comments of those people that actual read this thing.